This time next week I’ll be in the plane.

That’s if America lets me continue. I had to fill in a form with things like, my full name, my parents’ names, my employer, and pay US$14 before they’d even consider me. And then you have to answer the eligibility questions…

1) DO YOU HAVE A PHYSICAL OR MENTAL DISORDER; OR ARE YOU A DRUG ABUSER OR ADDICT; OR DO YOU CURRENTLY HAVE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING DISEASES:

• CHANCROID
• GONORRHEA
• GRANULOMA INGUINALE
• LEPROSY, INFECTIOUS
• LYMPHOGRANULOMA VENEREUM
• SYPHILIS, INFECTIOUS
• ACTIVE TUBERCULOSIS

I don’t know what half of those are. I can make an intelligent guess though.

2) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED OR CONVICTED FOR A CRIME THAT RESULTED IN SERIOUS DAMAGE TO PROPERTY, OR SERIOUS HARM TO ANOTHER PERSON OR GOVERNMENT AUTHORITY?

No.

3) HAVE YOU EVER VIOLATED ANY LAW RELATED TO POSSESSING, USING, OR DISTRIBUTING ILLEGAL DRUGS?

I don’t even drink coffee… Well, very, very rarely.

4) DO YOU SEEK TO ENGAGE IN OR HAVE YOU EVER ENGAGED IN TERRORIST ACTIVITIES, ESPIONAGE, SABOTAGE, OR GENOCIDE?

Gordon Bennett!!! This is number four!?! Wouldn’t you expect this to be question number one? And in case you’re wondering. The answer is “NO”.

5) HAVE YOU EVER COMMITTED FRAUD OR MISREPRESENTED YOURSELF OR OTHERS TO OBTAIN, OR ASSIST OTHERS TO OBTAIN, A VISA OR ENTRY INTO THE UNITED STATES?

I tried to avoid the US, not gain entry fraudulently.

6) ARE YOU CURRENTLY SEEKING EMPLOYMENT IN THE UNITED STATES OR WERE YOU PREVIOUSLY EMPLOYED IN THE UNITED STATES WITHOUT PRIOR PERMISSION FROM THE U.S. GOVERNMENT?

No, thanks. I’m quite happy with the job I’ve got, working with the people I work with.

7) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DENIED A U.S. VISA YOU APPLIED FOR WITH YOUR CURRENT OR PREVIOUS PASSPORT, OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN REFUSED ADMISSION TO THE UNITED STATES OR WITHDRAWN YOUR APPLICATION FOR ADMISSION AT A U.S. PORT OF ENTRY?

Nope. Never been anywhere near the US. Last time I went to England I transited through Hong Kong both ways.

Well, they took my money, so I guess I’m going.

Talk to you soon… If I get my bag packed in time.